Saturday, 3 March 2012

The Reality Of Friendship And Being Ill

I'm sure that every person is guilty of having let time pass them by without them realising it; letting many months pass between meetings with a friend, unconsciously forgetting to get in touch etc. etc.; I know I am!
But I have come to realise that, since fibromyalgia has really started to affect my day to day living, my friends have, perhaps not intentionally, distanced themselves and have made little effort in continuing our relationship, despite my own efforts.

I wonder if it is all too easy to put aside the person who is 'ill' and who is rarely able to attend social gatherings or 'nights out', after all when one is in the hubbub of the excitement and events of such occasions then the person or persons who are not present are usually the farthest things on the mind. But it appears that this constant fact, no doubt repeated since the 'ill' person is rarely ever able to attend, becomes habit and the lack of thought extends into the every day.

When these friends are reminded of one's existence one is usually met with an 'oh, it's been too long' response together with a half-hearted attempt at a reunion. Which, as yet, has always led to nothing.

That is not to say that I don't still treasure my time with my friends, when it does happen, but this is all too rare and human companionship is a vital part of life. I have all too few friends who I see on a quasi-regular basis and loneliness is a major factor of my life these days.

Making new friends is, perhaps, even harder since the ways in which one usually meets new people, at social gatherings, through other people etc., are not always available to me because of the condition I was blessed with. the fact that most of my existing friends have metaphorically moved themselves away from me further exacerbates the fact.
These days I am virtually reliant on the internet and its online world. Making friends of any value online is almost impossible and I do not truly count any association made online as a 'real' friendship. After all, what is friendship? I mean, real friendship? Think about it.

And to further the discussion; I have all but given up hope of ever finding a romantic partner as a) it is difficult to meet new people (see above), and b) the mere mention of an illness (I will not lie) is enough to either put people off entirely or reduce me, in their eyes, as someone unequal to themselves who should be pitied - and any partnership that I want means one of equal stature.
I will probably never be able to earn like any future (if only) partner or have the quality of life and all its experiences that the other may want and obtain. So, I wonder, could any future romantic involvement be an an 'equal' one?
I wonder, indeed.

But I am thankful for small mercies. I am grateful that, when the weather is good, I am able to look at the world and see the beauty and glory that exists; beauty and glory that most people overlook.
In my life being involuntarily slowed-down I can look and experience, almost at leisure, the simplest things that another might take for granted.
And most of the time I can observe people and their interactions with their friends and with their partners without jealousy. Most of the time.


  1. I think that very few people are lucky enough to have what you might call 'true' friends - the kind that stick with you no matter what and will always be there for you. Perhaps because this depends on an unconditional love and most friendships are based on a lot of conditions.

    I'm no longer friends with ANY of the friends I had when I was in primary school and they felt like true friends at the time. It transpired years later that they most certainly weren't (I won't bore you with the details).

    Then, others have come along and left that have felt intense at the time but as we've got older we've drifted apart - either geographically or because of changing world views/interests.

    I've learnt the best thing to do is enjoy the friends you have at this moment in time - even if they are online ones - who's to say these may not become real friends over time? xxx :)

    1. Indeed.
      I did not mean to infer that I do not enjoy the friends I have, when I see them, even the 'online' ones as I do. I treasure the little time I have in the company of others.

      But I, too, have few friends that have remained from youth, even from uni - only a select few and, since life means that people grow and move apart, it is not often I see them. But I can, at least, revel in the memory.